i don’t know                 if i could love him                    he’s been a good fuck

a perfect gardener of stars              a tiller of dust     i think he knows      darkness & don’t
mind me         opening            to him        an apocalypse of light            i keep coming
back        he knows his way around velvet           & softness     an inheritance             
i’ve tempered as silence                   an impressement

                of how i always want to say                hold me                       kiss me​            but settle for


falling glitter           in my eyes          i’m small for him          two parts conquerable    

one part dangerous                 that ethereal thing            he wants to tell         
somebody he discovered     knowing         a new myth      won’t keep him

alive     i need a long hard fuck tonight​                   & if this can’t be something    
between us           promise me           you want treat your heart                like a
brigade of bees         how you want me             to be          a poem a language                     
you only understand        after you’ve cum 

                                                                                                                after you’ve learned 

decay is the same        
as me thinking goddamn 
& yes i just may be all for you


J'SUN HOWARD is a dancemaker and poet living in Chicago, IL. He is one of the inaugural Co-MISSION Fellows at Links Hall and a 2017 3Arts Make a Wave grantee. His poems are forthcoming in GIANTHOLGOY and have appeared in Propter Nos, The Body Manifold, Bird's Thumb, 3rd Language, Calamus Journal, Inkwell, and Garland Court Review.





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